her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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