Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
okay pat passed out under dana's car
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
