From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
