So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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