Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
