Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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