I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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