The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
