Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
