We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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