Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
