my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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