I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
