yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My first STD was from a foam party
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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