So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
