According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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