So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
