Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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