I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
