Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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