you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
