I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We are all done wearing pants today
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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