I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you would pick up someone in the library
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
