oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
