I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
