Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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