You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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