She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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