Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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