This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
