I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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