Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
