I'm lost and stupid without you.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You ruined the universe
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
