Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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