ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
