I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
