I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
