Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
