I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
