So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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