i just google imaged poop.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
