I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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