Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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