I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
