cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
