Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
