how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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