I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
