she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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