kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
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Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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