I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
