hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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