you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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