if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
