he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
