ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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