Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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