When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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