Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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