What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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