I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
