I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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