Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
