oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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