I think my vagina is haunted
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
