1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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