i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
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First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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