This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
