Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Text me some of your sweat
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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